Gaaaaa…. San tagged me for a game, I guess she thinks I haven’t got enough things to post about. Hell, there are 88 pages of things in my blog word document that I haven’t gotten to yet. But I’ll do the tag as I can, um, be quirky with it. I’ve posted it on my other blog.
My other blog
One trucking company I once worked for wasn’t very far from where I lived, the home terminal was only about twenty miles away from me. This was the same company I posted about yesterday that had satellite equipped trucks that I would pitch crap to at times.
One time when I was home for a few days off they had a company party and invited all the drivers that wanted to go to it. Mostly it was the terminal staff that was there but being as I was home for a few days I went to it, the lady I was living with at the time also went with me. The party was at a lounge and there was plenty of booze flowing around, I don’t drink a lot, but I don’t drink a lot less either. LOL… I had about four beers during the evening is all, it was still a twenty-mile drive home and I didn’t want to mess up a clean drivers license record. They had a karaoke set up there and I had never been around it before and found it interesting. A lot of the folks wouldn’t get up and try it, but I didn’t have any problem with getting up there and maybe making a fool of myself.
I sang Leroy Brown, I think that is the title of it, about being the baddest man in town. One of the ladies that worked in the office came over and told me that I had done a good job and complemented me for having the courage to try it. Shoot, why not try it? It’s just another experience to try on and see if it fits you.
It’s fun, after I moved here I went out to karaoke a lot for a few years, Helen liked going with me also, not very often anymore though, these days I'm pretty much a homebody. Trying karaoke really is pretty easy for most folks once they get the courage to try it a few times. Once you do a few songs you’re not a virgin anymore and are enjoying yourself, you find yourself looking through the song list looking for the next song to screw. Chantilly Lace is a favorite of mine. Anyway, had a good time at that party and am glad I was in town at the time as I would often stay out on the road for a month or longer.
Sing along now….. I hear you knocking but you can’t come in, I’ve got my nightie on and it’s awfully thin. I know I need the money and it’s a terrible sin but…….. Oh quit your knocking and come on in.
On the way to the war protest yesterday I stopped at a Safeway store for a small bottle of milk and they had oven baked turkeys on sale for $9.99 so I bought one. That is a pretty good deal.
Please support those enlisted folks that resist stupid and illegal wars.
Courage to resist
And honk for peace, or honk if your horney.
After the protest I went to Peggy’s and installed the bathroom ceiling fan that I had cleaned and lubed and it is working great again. I also scrubbed the ceiling as it hadn’t been cleaned for years.
My Internet honey is very confused it seems, she has spent years building brick walls around herself. She absolutely cannot admit that she loves me, at any level. And some days it’s a real stretch for her to even call me honey or give me a hug in an email. Or try to work things out if we stumble some. And she is terrified of revealing who she is it seems. Um, okay, for now I honor that because I think so much of her, I respect her so much that I will honor her wish not to be known at this time.
I’m really big on communication and send her a fair amount of emails a day telling her what I’m doing and am going to be doing. Some days I’m lucky to get just a few replies from her in reply to my emails. And she seldom tells me about what she has been doing or is going to be doing. And she seldom closes out for the night by telling me that she is going to bed now and I will not be getting anymore emails from her. Things like that.
Sometimes I feel like I am just feeding her needs and she doesn’t care about mine. Sometimes I have to question this relationship even though I think that she is a wonderful person and we have shared some beautiful things. I just don’t know what to make of all of this, should I keep working with her or let her go? What do you, my readers think?
Brick walls, they are so hard to overcome, I just don’t know what to do. She seems to give up so easily. Any advice will be considered.
*Sharing all that is in my mind*
Hey, have a great day, hugs…. BBC
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14 comments:
Interesting quote....
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
Sometimes I stop an Internet page from loading if it is taking a long time because there is a lot on that site. Mostly what stops loading are the pictures and graphics and Utube things, music, and such.
I can't watch Utube with just my modem, unless I want to wait for an hour for it to download, and I don't.
I'm mostly interested in the text on the sites I look at and the text is one of the first things to load so at times I do stop the rest of the site from loading.
Most folks stop a page from loading by moving the mouse over to the red stop button on the browser window and clicking on it. But to me it is easier to just hit the Esc key.
Don't pay any attention to me, I just talk a lot. :-)
If we try to brake someone else's wall down they will become afraid of you and rebuild the wall bigger and stronger; it is simple reflex (and you seem to me a very strong and direct person - just like me). I find the best course to be, for me at least, is to be very honest and clear about my intentions - and stick to them religiously. When they see that my intentions are pure and that my actions reflect them, they slowly... ever so slowly, let down their guard. Which is sometimes the scariest part because it is usually the most passionate people who build the strongest walls, then I become the focus of all that passion...it is like riding a bull sometimes... but that is what I asked for and I have to be responsible for that.
Good luck. C:)
Good morning Graig. I tend to just jump over the walls and run amok in the courtyard. Hell, when the gate is locked and barred you can't go through it and read the rules posted there.
As if I would bother anyway.
Yeah, I just jump the wall and say "I love you", and it just freaks them out. LOL
Well, I have been honest about my intentions, that is one thing that I think she understands pretty well. But I don't think that they will break down any walls.
Sounds like a tough situation with the lady.
Anywho, I've added your name to the list of tagees for the silly game over at my place. Paste the questions and answer them if you'd like.
Let me see...........I'm trying to think how I'd feel.......women are difficult creatures at times......sometimes if we are 'chased' too much, it puts us off......of course if we are 'chased' to little it makes us insecure.....a happy median would be nice - I suggest backing off just a little - maybe 2 emails a day, morning and night? We are often reluctant to commit to "I love you" because it's so permanent. Even via the internet it seems! Perhaps she liked the fun side, but doesn't want anything serious.....women also tend to think a lot more into the future than men do - not just live in the moment, so she may be thinking "What will happen if this keeps going? I can't live over there. He can't move here. Where can this go?" you know, that kind of thing!
The other thing is, if it's worrying you or on your mind a lot, then something's gotta give.
Does that help at all? =)
Thanks for your thoughts Kath Bee, she hasn't committed to a 'I love you' to anyone for years, and I don't think she will now.
Yes, she did/does like the fun side. But to be serious isn't her cup of tea I guess.
And taking a fair amount of time to decide if you love someone is fine for 20 year olds, they still have some growing up to do, and things to learn yet. People our age that have gotten lucky enough to have lived this long should be able to see that each day is truly a gift on this unpredictable planet and love today if they can as they may not be here tomorrow.
Or as I'm fond of sometimes saying, "If I don't tell you today that I love you and I'm not here tomorrow how would you have known?"
Oh hell, mutter, mutter. Women sure as hell make me mutter a lot. :-)
Dammit, now I've got leroy brown stuck in my head!
Thinking on it some more and then reading KB's comment I would also suggest adapting to her as far as the emails go. I am certain that she has displayed a pattern in emailing... adapt to it. Kind of the same way someone might ease their way up to a horse (I know, unfortunate example, sorry.) or my experience in talking to a rancher in the middle of no where, being a Yankee and all; the first thing to do is show them that you're not a threat and that is done by matching their behavior. Limit your emails according to her pattern and be patient from there. It is time that breaks the walls down, one by one.
Or, this may just be a whole bunch of bunk...
either way, have fun. C:)
I've been thinking about this, a lot. I'll have more to say about it on my post tomorrow.
But yes, if others think I should cut down on the emails I will. I may not be the brightest bulb in the room, but I'm bright enough to see that I'm just beating my head against the wall and all that is doing is hurting me.
So thanks for the advice. Hugs.
interesting blog....thank you for stopping by.
I will refrain on giving relationship advice...ESPECIALLY with an internet honey....smile.
"She absolutely cannot admit that she loves me, at any level. And some days it’s a real stretch for her to even call me honey or give me a hug in an email."
"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be."
i agree with tfwy... aside from the fact that she may not even be a real woman, or single. i say you build a few walls of your own. it is easy to get swept away when you are lonely. input should match output. tough call bbc, i say back off. but that is me. and i too am a wall builder. i am comfortable in my walls. my walls are pretty and warm and never let me down.
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