Intelligent Design

A comment in the Dilbert blog induced me to reply to the readers comment in this blog. A good joke is included also.

Reader said: I respect people, but that in no way suggests I should respect their beliefs. For instance, people who believe in Intelligent Design,

I say, seeing as I’m the current messenger here: Oh come on now, if I was an intelligent design one of my fingers would be a penis, and I would have a vagina on my hip so that I could sex myself while sitting in a bar sucking on a beer instead of begging for sex from the women on this planet. Or I could at least slip it up her skirt without it being too obvious to others that would likely be doing the same thing. That would be acceptable in a place where there weren’t a lot of moral nuts. And our teeth wouldn’t be so soft and going rotten all the time. You can come up with all kinds of examples of why you where not originally intelligent designs. But you did evolve with thumbs and they are what allow you to do what others on this planet can’t do. They allow you to create more things.

I believe in Intelligent Design though. But not in the way I’ve seen it talked about and presented by the foolish people presenting it. Intelligent Design is a new thing, not an old thing, where God (man) has evolved enough to learn about genes, genetics, DNA and such that he can start messing with improving the human race through science and correcting some of mother natures random mistakes and chaos, she was creation, not God, lets not confuse the two. There will be some mistakes made along the way but in time it will allow doctors and scientists to as much as determine the outcome of newborns, thereby correcting the chaos of nature in making humans. I predict that in the future all humans will be good looking yet not carbon copies of each other. And who doesn’t want to not be good looking? Building better humans through genetics will allow them to live to two or three hundred years and get rid of obesity. There is nothing wrong with this, God wants all parts of him to look good, there are wonderful possibilities ahead if the religious leaders would just go away, or be mocked away.

I don’t worry about that though, living for hundreds of years, not too keen on working for a hundred and fifty years in Dilbert zones before I retire either, my soul/spirit is billions of years old, I just have to pick up new bodies as I go along to keep having the ‘human experience’. And then sort out the nonsense they teach here and start telling people that they are God, these are not new words, I’ve been saying them for thousands of years, no one will listen so things just keep getting worse. Why won’t everyone just tell all their religious leaders to just shut up, are they really that good of salesmen? It’s a universal soul/spirit, it’s yours also.

People should stop reading those books and trying to figure them out because the highest truths are not in them. Humans are very interesting but they sure believe a lot of stupid things. And screw a lot of things up. If you keep messing with this planet you will destroy your ability to survive here, I’ll have to go back again to flowing through bugs and what other critters are left. Frankly, that will really suck as the things I can do as a human is really cool. Now be peaceful to each other dammit, when you kill someone you are killing a part of me, of you, of the ALL. Look, call God the ALL, you are part of the ALL, that makes you also the ALL. You are all related on this intergalactic hillbilly trailer park, you all came from the same source, you share a universal higher soul if you would just stop and learn what it is. Stop using and abusing each other dammit, you’re really pissing me off. I’ll create a hell and start sending all the fools there, starting with these stupid religious leaders, all of them are wrong.

After all these millions of years I’m getting really tired of all this crap going on here and your destruction of the planet. I’m an evolution, get the hell over it and lets move on into a new age and way of thinking about things. Jesus didn’t write, there where many foolish things said about him that simply are not true. But I do write, my own words, and these are my words. Billy B Cook. SAA

Native American in Congress
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."