Where are you from?

The following is something I wrote last year.

Where are you from?
6/7/2005

Recently, in the kitchen in the Fellowship I go to a lady asked me where I was from. My reply was the same I often give others, mostly to test their sense of humor and to enjoy mine. "From my Mommy" I replied. It didn’t faze her a bit and we continued to talk. She wanted to know because I seem to have an interesting accent to some folks. I was born and raised in the Western United States but I’ve been in all the states but Hawaii, and a good share of Canada. If I have an interesting accent I don’t have a clue where I got it from.

The truth as I know it though is that I’m from the universe and just visiting here. A mother and her birth canal is simply a way of getting here with a nice fresh body seeing as they don’t last all that long and we often die, or get killed because we are on such a stupid planet.

A couple of weeks before that I decided I was hungry about midnight so left the boat (I had a 32 foot boat in the marina that I spent a lot of nights on) and went downtown for breakfast. I roam in wide ranging circles experiencing all the kinds of people and things that I can so I decided to have breakfast at the bar in DeLaneys, a local dive but the food makes a good turd. The man I sat down next to had a cheerful greeting and asked me how I was, I don’t recall my reply but he said "Wow, you must be God" I just replied "Maybe". Another man asked me where I lived. Looking around I replied "At the moment, right here". He looked at me kind of puzzled like and said something I didn’t fully catch. But I went on to explain that we must live each moment because we don’t know if we will be here the next, this is a dangerous planet to visit.

He said something like "But where is your home?" I said "This is my planet, this is my sky, my universe, this is my home, welcome to my home". He said "Smart ass". But he wasn’t giving up yet and said that there must be a place where I keep my clothes and get mail and such things. "Oh, sure there is" I replied. "I own a small piece property on the East side of town and live in a camper and I have a thirty-two foot boat in the marina that I spend a lot of time on". "And I have some really fancy homes and toys in a place you may not understand".

"Where would that be?" He asks. "In the cosmos, in what you might call heaven" I reply. "Where I don’t have to work hard for them, maybe lose them, have them taken away from me, don’t have to take care of them, where they are not harmful to this planet and killing it". I used to chase all those things, and had many of them, but I’m just not into that anymore.

By then I could see that the two brain cells bouncing around in his otherwise empty head had pretty much beat each other up so he decided to try another subject and said something about football. I know nothing about football other than I think it is a stupid mindless sport and I have more important matters to ponder, so we talked about women, another subject I know nothing about even though I’ve had a lot of experiences with them. He came to the conclusion that they are all idiots, I came to the conclusion that I haven’t found one spiritual enough for me. I love all of them but they drain me because of the silly beliefs they learn on this silly rock.

Another man that knows me and knows that I’m a new age minister was there also and he understood all that I was saying to that man. Only he made the mistake of calling me a man of the cloth so I had to correct him by saying "I wish you wouldn’t put it that way, we are just spiritual bothers and sisters here trying to enjoy each other on a physical screwed up planet where they teach us a lot of stupid things". He understood that also.

Today I worked for a while for a man I’ve worked off and on for near on to eight years. Having gotten done early I stopped at a few ladies homes to check on them and their needs, my trap line I call it. At one ladies home I was going down the running list of things needing to be done, most of which I had already taken care of when I noticed that she had added "Service vacuum cleaner".

"Service vacuum cleaner?" I said, "does it need sex?" She said something like "Maybe, I don’t know, but it needs something." Turns out that it just needed a little cleaning and a new belt and I got it fixed in short order and vacuumed up some of the critters on the floor that are always there having sex. But most folks don’t think about what is going on on those floors.
Billy B Cook, SAA