SPIRIT UNCENSORED

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A stupid dream

When I was napping yesterday I dreamed that a lady was standing right next to me telling me that she understood my journey and beliefs and agreed with them. That she wanted to spend more time with me, and even wanted to hike to the hot springs with me, blah, blah, blah. Ha,ha,ha. … What a stupid dream, she doesn’t exist, I’ve given up on that. Maybe I should put some of this on my other blog but I don’t feel like it.

As I’ve said before, my words and beliefs are for another time, a time when others are willing to listen to me, they are wasted here because no one listens to me and believes me. You ‘people’ just want to be entertained with humor and that isn’t my job. And as often as not my posts and comments here and on other blogs just piss off the monkeys. I don’t mind pissing off the right people, but sometimes I seem to piss off everyone. Okay, so be it.

I have better things to do than talk to people that won’t listen to me, I don’t care if anyone reads this blog or not. There is not and may never be a spiritual consensus, a collective agreement in America. Or most likely in another country for that matter. If there is no spiritual consensus, collective agreement then what? Are we left to flounder in our diversity with no hope of finding common ground?

Yup, it appears that way, and you all will keep fighting over it all, you have been doing that for thousands of years. Trying to enjoy your diversity that is destroying you then I guess. But God isn’t having anything to do with it, God has only one belief, that mankind is God in evolution.

The past, the past, the past. All you monkeys do is keep yapping about the past, like how you were raised for example. Yes it makes for interesting stories, but why don’t you just drop that baggage in the ruts of time and space and start looking forward? Talk about how you should be raised in the future. Yes, I said you, yes, I understand that you don’t get it.

No matter what I say, sooner or later I’m going to piss someone off, or piss everyone off. So….. Fuck it, I’ll just keep being good at pissing others off I guess. Our proper evolution will have to wait until people get wiser. Maybe a future generation will understand me better.

People keep doing things as if they are safe. He, he, he. This is funny on many levels.

The universe can't be completely described by math and physics.

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. - Frederick Douglass … [Ditto for me]

Kirsten…. You would make a great Unitarian, they are this lost heard of lost sheep that is always exploring everything and never coming to any belief about anything. At least I have a belief. You keep fussing that you wake up every morning, and then you try to find ways to make you live longer. If you don’t care if you are living you don’t have to worry about health and diet. Make up your frigging mind. LOL… Hugs.

I may be the most misunderstood man on the planet. Yes I knock FAT people, that is not the same as big people. I serve people that are on welfare at the Friendship dinners. They weigh well over two hundred pounds, maybe over three hundred, and they come back for thirds. Their guts hang down to their crouch. Now tell me you like to see people like that. Or pay taxes to support them. You people need to learn to listen to what I say instead of jumping to your conclusions. If you don’t like me that is fine, but get a damn brain that works right.

For twelve years I lived with a woman that was a bit bigger than I am, and that was just fine because she kept herself in shape, its called exercise. I like some meat on a woman, women that are too skinny just don’t cut it for me. If you love those FAT people, fine, go love them, I don’t have too, at least I don’t have to like how they are. I don’t see them contributing anything to society, only taking from it. Hammer as much as poked fun at FAT people and it was fine, I say something and some of you get pissed off, well screw you, if you don’t like or understand me don’t read my comments. Can’t you people take anything unless it is said humorously? Get a tougher skin.

Quotes by Gerald Ford
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."

"Truth is the glue that holds government together. Compromise is the oil that makes governments go."

"It's the quality of the ordinary, the straight, the square, that accounts for the great stability and success of our nation. It's a quality to be proud of. But it's a quality that many people seem to have neglected."

I will have some humor for you on Dog Friday, well, it will be funny to me anyway.

Take care, happy journeys. BBC

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Oh well

Q. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
A. Hi God, you piece of shit.

Q. How much cash do you have on you?
A. $ 42.30

Q. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
A. Whore

Q. Do you label yourself?
A. Cranky?

Q. Bright or Dark Room?
A. Bright

Q. Why is there always a missing question?
A. What question do you want answered? I can answer any question in the universe to my complete satisfaction.

Q. What does your watch look like?
A. Round, very plain, hangs on a belt loop.

Q. What were you doing at midnight last night?
A. Reading the news online.

Q. Where is your nearest 7-11?
A. None in this area.

Q. What’s a word that you say a lot?
A. Shit, fuck, goddamn.

Q. Who told you he/she loved you last?
A. Helen

Q. Last furry thing you touched?
A. My cat

Q. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
A. It’s digital

Q. Favorite age you have been so far?
A. That would have been about sixteen million years ago.

Q. Your worst enemy?
A. I don’t know.

Q. What is your current desktop picture?
A. On my computer? I don’t use one.

Q. What was the last thing you said to someone?
A. Thank you for buying lunch.

Q.The last song you listened to?
A. Don’t recall.

Q. What time of day were you born?
A. Don’t know, it’s not on my birth certificate.

Q. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
A. Seldom use them.

Q. Do you consider yourself kind?
A. Yes, and used a lot

Q. What’s your life motto?
A. To hell with the past, drop that baggage and keep looking forward.

Q. Name three things you have on you at all times.
A. Hair, skin, nails, and a bonus, balls.

Q. Can you change the oil on a car?
A. Yes, and I can rebuild the automatic transmission.

Q. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
A. Don’t recall, they all have email.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Camper Update

I told you that I was going to gut it out. Right down to the outside skin. And start over again, and that is just what I'm doing. The old stuff isn't worth screwing with.

The Greening of America

Good morning, so how the fuck are ya? Great? You fucking liar. …. LOL

What goes up must come down, just as the tide rises and recedes. Enjoy the motion and go with the flow. There is much harmony in allowing nature to flow through you. Now get out there in nature more you fools.

The Greening of America is a book by Charles A. Reich. Copyright 1971. That is like over 35 years ago, and it hasn’t happened. This country continues to be needy and greedy. It’s hard to remain optimistic about the world when you see it just continuing to go to hell. When you see the capitalists and our stupid politicians still winning their war against us.

If you could be doing something else right now, what would you be doing?

Fuck convention, I want to make an impact.(Spotted on a Post Secret card)

Why do I have to entertain you? Send me some fucking jokes.

Are you anti war? I was emailed this link.
Stand Up Seattle

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Well hey

It’s Sunday, what important thing can I say.

Power to the pussy !!

But guys, for your own sanity you should avoid most of it because society has them all screwed up and they will just drive you nuts.

Have a nice day. BBC
Sinfest

Saturday, January 06, 2007

More fussing

About drinking. (Old but still funny at times)

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame, then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Boy threading a needle anymore is a pain in the butt, even using that little wire thing. The lady that I gave the kitten to has been exchanging emails with me and asked if Helen and I needed anything in the line of clothes as she was fixing to take a bunch to Goodwill. But we don’t need any, both of us tend to wear the same things over and over again until they are rags. I’m sure that except for undies and socks that I have more than enough clothes to last the rest of my life. I have brand new clothes that I haven’t even looked at for years. My ego doesn’t need that crap, I only put on good clothes when I go to town, sometimes, otherwise I just go looking like a bum.

But she did mention slippers and I have been wanting a pair so she dropped off a pair. Nice, they keep my toes warm, but have no backs, I call things like that flip flops. So I went to Rick’s shop and got a foot of good elastic to make straps to keep them on my feet. I had a hell of a time getting a needle threaded so I could sew it on to the slippers. It didn’t help that it was four am and I was still bleary eyed and waking up, but I need better glass’s also.

I have a mirror, its name is Sewmouse. I like some of her little phrases so well that I adopt them myself. It’s like I keep saying, I haven’t had an original thought for thousands of years. Ah, most of you don’t understand omnipresence.

Scott Adam’s is always fucking with his mind. Now it is with his bullshit vegetarian thing and our ‘design’ to be hunters. He is an atheist as far as I can tell, I wonder where he ever got the notion that we where a design. And what part of evolution he doesn’t understand. We evolved to eat what ever is handy in the environment we are in be it meat or vegetables or a combination of both. Vegetarians live no longer than those that eat some meat, it’s all a crap shoot so I eat what my body tells me it wants, to hell with studies that keep changing what we are supposed to think. Helen is 84 and likes meat and spuds and candy and she is still as sharp as a tack. Now give me that damn chocolate and no one gets hurts. Life isn’t about getting old, it’s about living life and getting to the end of it with a used up body. People that are always fussing about what they are eating and drinking are just reading too damn much when in truth no one really knows at this time. In due time scientists will get it all figured out better, and genetically engineered foods will be just fine also, should I mention evolution again?

The human mind is still evolving, many people actually are sharper after a few drinks. It’s when they drink too many that they start getting stupid. Now go enjoy your day and be peaceful you little monkeys. Hugs…. BBC

Friday, January 05, 2007

Butt Ugly

"Man: An animal whose chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada." -Ambrose Bierce (1842-disappearance in 1914)

"Woman: An animal... having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication... The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey... the woman is omnivorous and can be taught
not to talk." -Ambrose Bierce

"We need not worry so much about what man descends from-it's what he descends to that shames the human race." -Mark Twain

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. -Ashleigh Brilliant

I got my stove setup in the shop and built a fire in it yesterday. Yup, its butt ugly, so ugly that I’m not going to post a picture of it, but hey, it’s in my shop and I don’t care what Martha Stewart would think of it. I put it together for just a few dollars and it works just fine. There is a layer of sand in the bottom of it, and a layer of firebrick. It’s a box heater and the fifteen gallon barrel on top of it acts as an extra heat exchanger, there is a baffle in it. A lot of people wouldn’t want such a stove, but there are also people that would be envious of it. Hell, there are people that would kill for it. Anyway, it’s good enough for the shop for now, and good enough for me. I’d rather put my money in new materials for the camper. I may not have a lot of money, but I have all these tools and I’m very handy and like to be comfortable, and it hasn’t always got to be pretty. If I want pretty I’ll go look at nature, or women on the beach.

For nine years I have pretty much ignored my needs while helping others, I’m not going to do that so much anymore. Oh, someone gave me a ceiling fan that I put in the shop, that may help some also. People are always giving me stuff, I’m a pretty nice guy in person, when I’m not on this blog bitching about humanity.

Kirsten…. The trailer isn’t a hobby, you think so much like so many others. It will become my retreat, it’s just that I have to make it that. I need a place besides my home to retreat too. Hugs.

Paris…. I like simple and easy to maintain, but not too primitive. When I’m done with it the camper will require a little work, like to pressurize the water system and such, but I don’t mind a little work. And it will have a microwave oven and such if I’m around electricity, but not a lot of electronic crap like newer campers have in them. I want things to work when they need to work and I know how to do those things. I don’t worry about fancy meals and someone having to do a lot of work when out enjoying nature, I like to keep things simple. More pictures as I go along. Hugs.

A post Hammer wrote reminded me of something. I once bought a car and fixed it up for my wife’s parents and gave it to them. I didn’t do it because I wanted them to be my friends, they where idiots. He was dumber than a fence post and while she had been to collage she was still stupid. And one of the worse housekeepers I’ve known, there was just trails through their place and the floors ‘paths’ where black. Luckily my wife wasn’t like that. She wasn’t all that smart but at least she was a pretty good housekeeper. I gave them the car because I felt sorry for them, they ruined it in just a few months. I didn’t do that again.

And we never did become friends, and I didn’t care. She had her own car, she was free to go visit them any time she liked, but I didn’t go with her. I got along pretty well with her brothers though. Well, one was a real drunk and I beat him up once, I didn’t like a drunk picking on my kids, but that is another story.

Scott Adam’s posted about freewill again yesterday. Just give it up Scott, jails everywhere are full of people that believe in freewill. As if there really should be such a thing, we have to live by rules, that precedes freewill. Complete freewill that is because there is no such thing unless of course you don’t want to live for long. Any questions?

I’m cooking dinner for a hundred people this afternoon, guess I had better plan on a nap first. If you are a bit new to this blog maybe you will find and earlier post of mine interesting.

Good Sex

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Okay Paris

To those of you fussing that I present myself as God. Why do you keep forgetting the fact that I say that all of us are God in evolution? Part of the living spirit of the planet, and that humanity needs to accept that and start growing up.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the interior of the camp trailer, Paris. Like I said, it’s really in bad shape inside, and I had started tearing it apart before starting to take pictures. Someone installed various sheets of plywood on the ceiling, and paneling on the walls to cover old water damaged materials. And jury-rigged other things. But it does have a few redeeming qualities. It has a good toilet and holding tank in it that I will reuse. It has an air pressurized water system that I will keep because they are simple and trouble free.

The stove, fridge and in floor furnace are crap but I have newer appliances to install in place of them. Being as I’m a packrat ya know. Not sure I will install a fridge though, an ice chest will do fine for the things I will be doing with it. I haven’t fully decided on the floor plan yet, but know that I’m just making table space and seating in the front for two. I don’t go camping to have parties in my trailer, I want peace and quite when camping. As I stated earlier, I’ve purchased all new double pane windows for it and it is going to be the best insulated travel trailer around, I’ll explain that process as I work on it.

The space the toilet is in is too narrow so I’m taking out the wall and making it a little wider. I wanted to go with a full size bed but maybe I will just go with a single to save room. I’ll just use it for day trips to the beach, some overnight trips, and maybe take it to Beer Church once in a while so I don’t have to drive home after drinking. That reminds me, I need to order a light or two from Backwoods Solar in Idaho, they have the most wonderful lights and I like lots of light. Rick gave me two nice van seats that will make good seats at the table and the big windows will make for nice views. As you can see, I have some work to do as I completely gut it out and redo it all.

If a man is alone in his house and breaks wind, will it be as satisfying as doing it in front of his wife?

Dear diary: I got tired of screwing with bubble jet printers and bought an HP 1000 LaserJet in 9-03. It has worked perfect, still had the original cartage in it even though I have printed many pages, at a reduced quality to save toner, but still very readable. Until yesterday when it picked up a whole stack of paper almost a quarter inch thick. I could not pull it out, until I took a pair of pliers to grab it good with. It was a hard pull but I did get it out. But after that it wouldn’t pick up a sheet to print it so I got a good light out and started watching it try. Discovered a strip of thin plastic that was out of place down in the guts of it and shoved it back the way it was supposed to be. And it’s working perfect again, I’m impressed, I didn’t think it would survive picking up that much paper at once, good machine.

I almost got the stove done and installed in the shop, maybe tomorrow. And now I have to post on my other blog bitching about that moron of a Pat Robertson. Have a good day. Hugs and all that. BBC

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

More Tips

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
DINING OUT

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back sodas.

5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
….
Sign on the door of a marriage license bureau: 'Out to Lunch. Think it over.'
….
You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change. - Les Brown
….
The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump.
….
Columbia, Tennessee, which calls itself the largest outdoor mule market in the world, holds a mule parade headed by the Governor.
….
A man sped down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, when he passed a patrol car, it pulled out behind him, lights flashing. The police officer handed him a citation, took the driver's signature and was starting to walk away when the man said, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. Plenty of other drivers around me were going just as fast. Why did I get a ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked. "Um, yeah ..." the startled man replied. "Ever catch all the fish?"
….
Kirsten….. Try to understand and keep up, I don’t need anymore beers. I just think at different levels than many people do. And of course I worry and fuss a lot. To me it’s not about us, it’s about the world. :-)
....
Dear diary: IGS still had eggnog on sale so I bought another quart. Then I got a wild hair up my butt to make eggnog french toast. I took Helen some also, it is very good. In looking at the weather around much of the planet I see plenty of problems. But the weather here in Gods country is still pretty mild for winter, some rain, but it brings new life.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

What are these?

Okay, I’m going to tell you what they are anyway, at the end of this post.

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to
reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer.

Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her.

Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?" "No," stammers the old man, "but it's a quiverin'."
….
For hooters fans only, move mouse to watch her raise and lower her tee shirt.
Hooters
…
Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.
….
Dear diary: My air mattress started leaking again so I went to Walmart and bought another one. This time I bought one sold by Ozark Trail instead of a Coleman as it is constructed differently. They only cost about fifteen dollars for a single size like I use so if they only last a few years it’s no big deal. And I’ve had a few that lasted for quite some time. Once they start leaking they can be used to cover stuff.
….
The picture is of some drink bottles, I picked up a load of them in Massachusetts or one of those states up North, and took them to Orlando, Florida. You can get a lot of them in a fifty-three foot trailer. Then the beverage people stick them in a machine that heats them and blows compressed air into them to form them into drink bottles. BBC

Monday, January 01, 2007

A new year is here

Not easy to see, but there is some mice on the cat.

Motherfuckingsonofabitch…. I woke up this morning, it’s 2007. Well fuck, as long as I’m still here I may as well make a post. I shouldn’t complain, my life is good compared to how many live, it’s just that all this fighting and greed and many starving to death really gets to me. If God wasn’t such a piece of shit and as powerful as the crackpots think I am, I would whip this planet into shape.

A Thought for New Year 2007. Not my thought, it was sent to me in an email.

I think the life cycle is all backwards ...You should start out dead, get it out of the way.
You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm.

It's got to be better this way 'cause this getting old sucks.
….
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Guide to Buying Gifts For Men:

When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills, they are great screwing devices.

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8 inch socket yet?"

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV and watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RVCenter, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also
excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip clamps.

Buy your man Duct Tape. This is a man's most universal repair tool since the demise of bailing wire. All men know, if you can't fix it, duct tape it.

Here is an interesting site….World Statistics updated in real time.
World Statistics

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Death??

The headstone of Russell J. Larson in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, UT. (or so I was told) Death is no big deal to me, being omnipresent, it’s this world that drives me nuts the way it is.

An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a sleepy little western town one sunny afternoon. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitching post.

As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a shiny silver Colt .44 in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other hand as he looked at the old man and laughed. Then he said "Hey old man have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at him and said "No sir, I never did dance, I just never did want to."

Others where around and the gunslinger said "Well you old fool you're gonna dance, now." And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old man was hopping around and everybody was laughing. The gunslinger fired his last bullet then holstered his gun and he turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule and slid his old ten-gauge shotgun out of its scabbard, then pulled both hammers back, making a distinctive clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and froze in his tracks as everything on the street became deathly quiet. As he turned around and stared down both barrels of the old man's shotgun, they looked like a pair of railroad tunnels.

The old man asked him "Did you ever French kiss a mule’s Ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard, thought for a moment, then said, "No, but I've always wanted to."
….
Rodney Dangerfield's best
1 . I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with .
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning.. put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly. My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said.."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me a poster boy - for birth control
….

Dear diary: Okay, I’m going to toot my own horn some. Well, not really, I’m going to let someone else toot it for me. Yesterday a very nice couple came by to look at my cats, she (Tarky) had asked for a kitten on Yahoo Freecycle so I responded that they could have one of mine. I let my cats come and go as they please so there wasn’t any in my place when they got here. But I went into the shop, they like to sleep in there, and found one and brought it out. They are not used to other people as they only know me and my neighbor Helen.

Well that went over like a fart in church, as soon as it spotted them it started fighting to get out of my arms, and it won. LOL …. So I went in and got another one and the same thing happened again, only they did get to touch it before it tore it’s way out of my arms. Not that I will fight them a lot, I don’t believe in holding something that doesn’t want to be held.

They had some things to do in town for an hour so I suggested that they leave their cat carrier and I would see if I could collect one. I did about ten minutes after they left. I took her over to Helen’s so she could keep her company until they got back. They wanted a smaller one and it happened to be the second smallest. I won’t give the smallest one away because her name is Helen. :-)

I assured them that I thought they would love this cat once it got adjusted to them. But !! That if it didn’t work out for them that they where more than welcome to bring her back. So far they seem to be pleased with her. Even though she got some of the spelling of our names wrong, and the age of the cat as I made it clear that she was at least seven months old, following is a message that Tarky left on Yahoo Freecycle. (We talked about other things also, so they know that I’m a New Age minister and like to do weddings.)

----- Original Message -----
From: Tarky
To: clallamcountyfreecycle@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, December 30, 2006 2:58 PM
Subject: [ClallamCountyFreecycle] Found: Port Angeles 4 to 5 month old kitten

Thank you Billy and Helene for the beautiful female tabby, ("Star"). Mandu is giving her new sister a hard time, but I think this will pass. Jake is acting indifferently. Typical male!

Star will have a long and loving life with Eric and I. We will always take the very best care of her. Thanks again for keeping our Mandu from being lonely.

You're a wonderful man, Billy Cooke.

And part of a personal message I got from her:
Currently, Star is hiding behind our washer. LOL! But she is eating and drinking and knows where the poop box is. She'll adjust. All newcomers get razzed by their contemporaries. She sweet and she did let me hold her...she was purring. [Damn right she is sweet, I spent a lot of hours making these wild cats sweet. But they didn’t start out being assholes like the monkeys on this planet, because they had the right mentor.]

Anyway, the cats are not used to a TV and all the noise it makes. But I also went to the library and got some movies to watch. There isn’t any way they wanted to be inside when the TV was on, so I let them out. Cats are smarter than humans. LOL

But the library is getting in a series of DVD’s on the states, last night I watched Florida, it was pretty interesting. Did you know (or remember) that St. Augustine is the oldest continually lived in settlement in the country? As far as whites go that is. It was started in 1565 by Spanish Catholics. It was the first real cow county as the Spanish brought them with them, and cows are still big there. Because of the different varieties of oranges they are often processed for ten to eleven months out of the year.

When I was at Rick’s upholstery shop the other day I picked up a scrap of cowhide to bring home as he is working on a custom car, I just discovered that the cats love it. I think I will go get more scraps from him. This isn’t processed cowhide like you buy in the stores for pets, it’s the real stuff and nice and soft. I knotted a strip of it into a bundle and they just love it. And they like it if you use a strip of it to dangle and play with them.

This one cat is going wild over it, I think it is giving her the hunting instinct. That may be just as well, they will need it again after the monkey’s screw up this planet and they have to fend for themselves again.

I was dreaming about some lady and her meat loaf, so I guess I will end the year saying….. Don’t let your meat loaf…. LOL

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Big Sky Country

When I lived in Montana with Marie we went camping for a few days up in the Big Hole area. It is beautiful and peaceful up there with just a few very small towns and very few people. The fishing was good and the trip was most peaceful and enjoyable. The only traffic jam was a herd of cattle that I had to mosey through. Here are some pictures of the trip. Well, the fishing lady wasn’t there, I just thought I would toss in that picture also. He, he, he.
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One New Years eve (In Montana) we went up in the mountains and spent a quite night in the camper. It was nice and peaceful up there just talking by candle light and enjoying the heater. I won’t be going out this New Years either. May go over and keep Helen company for a while. Or have a fire outside for a while
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"Personally, I don't see why there should be such an issue over cloning. You'll get a few misfires, to be sure, maybe the occasional three-headed mutant baby whose father was a syringe and whose mother was a test tube. But why not? We can make them a special interest group, just like homo- sexuals, Puerto Ricans or Catholics." -Chadwick, Editor of Up Yours!
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Heard about the new gay sitcom? It's called, "Leave It, It's Beaver".
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While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra messed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing twisting, spinning 360's. As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place... Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Chopper: "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet."
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Lipstick in School

A certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the Maintenance man who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirrors with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.
There are teachers.... and then there are educators.

Dear Diary: It was a good day yesterday, I went back to the trucking company with some tools, generator, and saw because there was an 8 X10 foot pallet there that I wanted. It was made of four 3” X 6” X 10 foot oak beams, not real high grade oak, but still good wood. I figure I can find a use for them, the boards where one by six inch rough cut oak, I cut them up to use for firewood. I also worked some on fixing up the stove I’m going to use in the shop, I’m going to put a heat exchanger on top of it.

Helen took paratransit to get her hair done yesterday and didn’t even ask me to take her out to dinner so she could show it off. She mostly just likes to sit in front of her stove in the wintertime.

Friday, December 29, 2006

My new retreat

Yup, I know it is ugly, but you should see the inside, it is even more ugly inside. But I need a new retreat now that I don’t have my big boat anymore, and it needed someone to love it before it got ripped apart and hauled off to a landfill.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why, God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
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In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her advanced age she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. So they simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
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Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse." "Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week."
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
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When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. "Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."
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Marie….. I haven’t drank Jack and Jose for a great many years, since my twenties. Not since I got tired of waking up with women like you. :-)…. BTW, has anyone ever bothered to tell you that you are a frigging idiot? It figures that the only comment on my other cranky blog post would be from an insane chick. Hugs though.
….
Dear diary: I went back to the hardware store yesterday and bought four more of the double pane windows they have on sale, I now have enough to replace all the windows in the camp trailer. I’m going to insulate it very well so that it is nice and warm inside.

Rick got his new commercial sewing machine and is happy to be back to work catching up. I went over yesterday and showed him how to use his new digital camera some. I worked a bit on modifying the stove that I’m putting in the shop. I also got two eight-foot long pallets (free) from the trucking company for a project I have in mind.

My other blog

Thursday, December 28, 2006

12/28/2006

One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. And then forgets it as soon as things get better again.
….
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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MECCA, Saudi Arabia (AFP) - Around two million Muslims will on Thursday begin the annual hajj pilgrimage to Mecca amid increased safety measures aimed at preventing stampedes which each year claim scores of lives. ….. I wonder where they find places to jack off?
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CRAWFORD, Texas - After weeks of deliberation, President Bush is honing in on a national security team meeting at his Texas ranch that will take him a step closer to deciding a new U.S. policy in Iraq. ….. Geez, I wonder what that little pecker headed monkey will come up with next. But think good thoughts, think of Bush and Cheney sixty-nineing it together. He, he, he.
….
Dear diary: While I was out doing the laundry for Polly’s Honky Tonk Saloon and Whorehouse yesterday I stopped at the hardware store for a stove pipe fitting and they had various double pane windows on sale for five bucks each, so I bought three of them for the camp trailer. I also did a little banking being as it was the whores payday, and I took Helen to the doctors office so she could have her blood pressure checked.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

ASSICONS

(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass

I don’t have much in the line of humor to share with you today. My more serious post is on my other blog today.

My other blog

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

World Peace & Diversity

Where is my world peace you motherfucking monkeys? Not that anyone reading this blog can do anything about it. There are not enough humans, spiritual beings, and too many monkeys on this planet. I hate this fucking planet, especially this time of year.
….
Well Vinicio.... That graphic I used yesterday was a sculpture about a different place and time. So no fucking whining about no diversity in it. They didn’t know that a lot of others even existed then, let alone Native Americans. And it was about one group of people, they were also surrounded by diversity, and they prosecuted and crucified by them. Sound familiar? Some things will never change, unless we change them, and the answers, like acceptance, may not be what you think. Besides, you live in NYC Lots of diversity there isn’t there? So what do you think of it all? Does it work out all that well?
….
Some times I get tired of hearing about diversity, lets put it in its proper perspective. I don’t want to make anymore babies, but damn it, if you want diversity, diversify. Boy, you take that little brown dick of yours and you stick it in a little white mongrels (and all whites are mongrels) sperm bank, and make us a lighter brown baby of mixed blood. Or stick it in a Japanese, an African or African American, or a Chinese, or an Asian, any other blood will do.
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And you crazy stupid Muslim men that want your virgins, hop on a plane and go to another country and knock someone there up. Virgins, fuck, only an idiot would want a virgin. They are as worthless as tits on a bore hog. If any virgin wants me it will cost her five hundred dollars. All the men all over this planet, go somewhere else and knock up someone of a different color and race. Or you women do it if you want knocked up.
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I want to see just shades of brown on this planet. I want bloodlines and religions so diluted that there isn’t any bullshit arguing over any of it anymore. Bloodline pride anymore is just bullshit. Blood pride my ass, why do you people keep forgetting that all of you are from the same original source?
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Take up my motto boy, “I want to knock up an Asian.” Make me proud of you boy, get out there and do right by me with that little brown dick. In your past there where so many whites in your women that you don’t really know what is there anyway because much of it was not talked about. I did my part, my first born was from a Native American. :-)
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Kirsten….. The more I read of your old posts, the uglier Egypt seems to me. It appears to be full of soulless people, I mean monkeys. I can see why you are untrusting there. I’ve always been trusting, and yes, it has stabbed me in the back a few times, but it won’t stop me from being that way. And as for your medical stories, it isn’t at all like that here, there appears to be much better health care here based on what you say. And anyone here can get health care. As for what I said on your blog, you need the love of the spirit above the love of the human side of the brain. Usually the human part of the brain gets in the way of that. But it’s the journey you are on, and what you are seeking, the spiritual togetherness of the omnipresence.
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BTW….What nationality is the last name of Namskau? I entered “last name Namskau” in a Google search and just came up with a lot of hits for your blog. And a few for your book. LOL. I didn’t learn much, and don’t have a lot of time for searching.
Interesting quote I just spotted on your blog, “Maybe it will become my life...maybe it will take my life.” Maybe, but does it really matter if you are omnipresent? Your only objective right now is to try to fix the world so you can have peace in the future anyway.
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It sounds like the traffic culture in Egypt is very lacking. There are lots of traffic laws here, and for the most part they are obeyed pretty well. Some people take freedom and freewill to far but there really is no such thing as complete freedom and freewill when living around others. I’ve driven in all the states and large cities without much problem. What bothers me most is the big macho pickups and the macho people driving them. If I ran a country they couldn’t manufacture and sell such rigs there, they just appease the monkeys here. But our country is lead by monkeys, so there you go.
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"In the days before this Christmas Day, the so-called 'Christmas wars' were again in full swing. Should the clerks at Target say 'Happy Holidays' or 'Merry Christmas?' Can Christmas trees be displayed in airports and other public places? Can they have religiously-themed ornaments? Lots of ink and airtime are spent debating these questions. It is actually all very humorous – the battle has long been lost, but to the forces of capitalist consumerism, not secular humanism." - Duane Shank
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VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI urged Christians on Wednesday to defend the spirit of Christmas against secular trends during his last general audience before the holiday. He wished the several thousand pilgrims and tourists gathered in a Vatican auditorium decorated with Christmas trees a "Happy Christmas" in seven languages and told them that "false prophets continue to offer cheap salvation which ends up in deep delusions."……. The pope is an idiot monkey, a false prophet. He, he, he.
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But if you adopt the Christians mentality toward God and Jesus you don’t have to act and do as Jesus or God would do. And somehow be forgiven. Idiot monkeys.
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Pope Offers Christmas Prayers for Peace….. Pray for peace my butt. Pray in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets full the fastest. Demand peace dammit, demand it. Where is my peace you fucking monkeys? I’m still writing about my retreat.
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Lets see, I said I would put my serious stuff on my other blog, and just amuse the monkeys on this one. I’ll get back to that soon, but for now there is no new post there. … BBC

Monday, December 25, 2006

THIS IS HUMANITY DAY

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas should be for the children?

Which children? The ones being spoiled with gifts? Or the starving ones? (Blogger isn’t loading pictures at the moment, but you know what a starving child looks like anyway)

Bah, screw Merry Christmas. Screw the donkey Mary rode in on, and screw the innkeeper that is screwing the barmaid over in the corner of the manger. Crazy frigging Christians and their stupid beliefs. Where is my world peace you monkeys? I’ll write about my retreat after this Crazy Christmas. BBC

So, did you send a check?
World Food Program
Mercy Corps

Saturday, December 23, 2006

A room with a view

The water view is looking out the North window of my room. Victoria, Canada is out there, eighteen miles North. The mountain view is from the South side deck. I’ll write more about that when I return from my retreat, I’m just here for a bit.
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Kirsten …. I’ll have you know young lady, that I trim my nose, ear, and eye brow hairs. And all my socks match. And I even vacuumed yesterday, so *sticking my tongue out at ya*… LOL
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Research has shown that married men live longer than single men. So, for all you single men out there... If you want a sloowww painful death ...
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While the spirit of Christmas is giving, I think the giving is done wrong. Toys given to children that have too much now, adults buying each other things they don’t really need. The giving should be to the truly poor, I said it that way because I exclude the lazy poor that think most everything should be handed to them, or the stupid poor that keep screwing up their lives with drugs and such, it should be given to the roughly thirty thousand a day that die of starvation. Oh hell, never mind, no one really cares. Have a Merry Fucking Monkey Christmas. Don’t ask yourselves, “Who would Jesus (or any spirit) give to?”
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Why you never question a drunk........
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her, with his 2 six packs of beer, watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,

"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " ' Cause you're ugly."
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I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. -Edward Everett Hale
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If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting, but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything. -Allyson Jones
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt against with their whole being. -Ellen Key (Herd mentality)
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I thank God for my handicaps, for, through them, I have found myself, my work, and my God. -Helen Keller
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We say that we care about the war, but we don't even really know what we're fighting for. -Scott Ritter
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If, finally, violence meets with violence, we have confirmation of the age old adage that war though it kills many men, makes many more men evil. -Fritz Medicus
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I see that the world is still a piece of shit, back to my room and retreat now.. BBC