12/15/2006

People are asking for recent pictures of others. How about this self picture of me taken last night? Cameras don’t favor us that close and I have been down a lot of roads as many of you know, and not all of them where paved. Five foot nine inches & 165 pounds of fighting fury & there isn’t a muscle on me. LOL You younger readers, just remember, you will be old one day also. Or dead before you get to that point.
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I was going though old emails (I save 4000 to 5000 of them a year and there is a book or two in them) and here is a humorous poke at and about Unitarians. As I attended a Unitarian Fellowship for over a year I got a kick out of it because they are as confused as everyone else about just what God is. Us in evolution and still a nine year old in cosmic time. Looking at time and space properly, the whole cosmos is only nine years old in evolutionary terms.
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"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only one God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all. His objection was noted, with love, by the secretary.
"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism – 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
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"People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nut-balls saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. (Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.)
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"We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Un-exalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.
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"Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.
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"We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require all people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust, out loud, in prisons.
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"We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.
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"Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some members of Congress and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against to be Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.
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"People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We will strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution."
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A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing. The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here, iron this."
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Hammer, I’ve slept on air mattresses for about fifteen years now. If you want a real heavy duty one buy a waterbed bladder and fill it with air. I know that a lot of people don’t know what to make of me, but they don’t know what to make of themselves either.
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And Hill Country Girl, what in the hell is with her? She has spent many hours trying to twist things around trying to make me look bad. She even changed the text of some things said. This is one sick woman people. If you are thinking of sending her a picture of you for her calendar maybe you should think twice about it. If she gets ticked at you in the future you she may use it against you. I’m surprised she didn’t screw with the picture I sent her of me with no shirt on for it. She even competes against her husband. Get a life woman, try to be a team. Never mind, she is just a monkey fucking around, I damn sure wouldn’t spend that many hours trying to knock someone down. Anyone with that much hate in them doesn’t deserve my time. I sure am glad I have a neighbor like Helen that isn’t like her. Don’t take me wrong, I hate a lot of things about this planet also, but to direct it all at one person that she doesn’t even know personally? I don’t get it.
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Very busy, gotta go. Peace and hugs. BBC