12/16/2006

My cat thinks that you fucking monkeys are a pain in the ass also. Get off of our fucking planet you fucking monkeys.
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Teacher: "What is actually used as a conductor of electricity?
Johnny: "Why...er?"
Teacher: "Wire is right. Very good. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?"
Johnny: "The what?"
Teacher: "That's absolutely correct, the watt. Now class, you should all study diligently, like Johnny here."
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Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
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"If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide." -Mahatma Gandhi
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Stolen from an old issue of Bizarre News:
Pretoria, South Africa The psychology profession was rocked after renowned marriage counselor, Dr. Cedric Wayne crossed over the edge while treating a bickering couple. The husband, fed up with his wife’s unrelenting verbal assault began slapping her. Dr. Wayne, instead of intervening to stop the assault
leapt out of his chair and charged across the room and proceeded to beat the stunned wife as well."She’s
the most annoying woman I’ve ever been around. No husband should be subjected to nagging like that... that woman’s mouth was driving me crazy," said Dr. Wayne. (Yup, I know women like that)
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The most interesting and colorful word in language today is the word "fuck". It is the magical word which, just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language , "fuck" falls into many Grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb both transitive (John fucked Mary)
and intransitive (Mary was Fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive
verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), and adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
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It can also be used as an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word fuck. Aside from its sexual connotations, this word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings........."How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud..............."I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation......."Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble............."I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Agression........."FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust................"Fuck me."
7. Confusion............." What the fuck....?"
8. Displeasure............"Fucking shit man..."
9. Lost........................"where the fuck are we?"
10.Disbelief.............."UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!"
11.Retaliation............."Up your fucking ass!"
12.Apathy................."Who really gives a fuck?"
13.Suspicion............."Who the fuck are you?"
14.Directions.............."Fuck off."
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It can be maternal..."MOTHERFUCKER!"
It can be used to tell time..." It's four fucking twenty!"
It can be used as an anatomical description..."He's a fucking asshole."
Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:
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"What the fuck was that?"...Mayor of Hiroshima
"That’s not a real fucking gun."...John Lennon
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"...Captain of the Titanic
"Who the fuck is gonna find out?"...Richard Nixon
"Heads are gonna fucking roll."...Anne Boleyn
"Any fucking idiot could answer that."...Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!"...Picasso
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"...Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck."...Walt Disney
"Houston we Have a big fucking problem."..The crew of Apollo 13
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[End of the humor, you may stop reading now]
Hammer…. I didn’t write the ‘sermon’ about Unitarians, it was something I found in an old email.
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Kirsten, has it ever occurred to you that you are here to help fix this planet so that you don’t have to put up with this crap in the future? If you are a part of the living spirit you will be here whether you want to be or not. Well, maybe you are just a monkey also.
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Christmas isn’t my fucking birthday you fucking idiots. Unless you where born on that day, then it is. Christmas isn’t my only birthday you fucking idiots. Each day is my birthday, each death is my death. Well, I’m past caring if the monkeys are killing themselves, in fact I wish they would step it up and get each other all killed. Yup, you Christian monkeys, get busy killing those Muslim monkeys. And you Muslim monkeys get busy killing those Christian monkeys. When you are all gone maybe we can have some peace here.
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I’m a bigot I guess, I’m tired of the monkeys on this planet screwing everything up. Get out of my way you little idiots, I’m trying to change the world here.
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These fucking monkeys that are killing each other, you are wasting a lot of meat, why are you not eating each other? And don’t tell me that is cannibalism and sick. It isn’t sick to kill each other? You are just fucking monkeys, just monkey meat. The world is full of starving people. Don’t waste good meat, eat your kills. Stupid fucking monkeys, sometimes I just have to laugh my ass off at your antics. He, he, he. Stupid fucking monkeys. It would give me great joy to see George Bush served up as a main course.
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I really don’t get bloggers that make their blogs private. Umm, yes I do, it’s just monkeys fucking around and communicating with each other and not the rest of the world. They may as well just stick to emails
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People that are afraid to revile much about themselves crack me up. Talk about being paranoid. The whole world knows who I am, and I stand a better chance of being killed in a car than I do of having some nut Christian or Muslim monkey take me out with a gun, hell in past posts I have invited them to. Who would want to steal my identity? A stupid fucking monkey? Get rid of the fucking monkeys, come down hard on them instead of just slapping their wrists.
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Scott Adams shows the world who he is also, and you little wussy pussy nobodies are hiding? What a bunch of pussy’s.
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People that use comment moderation, what are you afraid of? An insult? Oh, hell, I just remembered, monkeys don’t like insults. Never mind.
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The quickest way to receive love is to give love; the fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly; In addition, the best way to keep love is to give it wings. It’s all wasted on the monkeys though.
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Don’t waste good meat, eat a monkey today. BBC