El Toro sumbitch

That idiot Goddess decided grass should be mowed to make it look pretty, why didn’t she just fucking make it short in the first fucking place? So that idiot God invented lawnmowers because she was getting tired of the sheep and cow shit on her lawns. There is just no pleasing that bitch. LOL

Then God invented ass kicking lawnmowers, up to twenty horse power now, and very wide cuts, real Tim Allen shit, argh, argh, argh !! “Hey neighbor, check out my new Toro, 18.5 horse power and a 42 inch cut”. Neighbor: “Big deal, look at what I just got, A John Deer, 22 horse power and a 46 inch cut”.

*Slinks away*

The next week: “Hi neighbor, look at what I’ve done. I’ve installed a 750 Honda engine in this Toro sumbitch, I can mow this lawn at sixty miles an hour now. Eat your heart out you motherfucker.” Yup, God is a fucking idiot. LOL

So yesterday I picked up the battery for Rick’s Toro riding mower and took it to his place and after starting it I rode it to my place where it is more convenient to work on. It isn’t far but I had to do it on major streets so I was hoping that I wouldn’t pass any cop monkeys. Kemp street is closed because of the sewer line project those idiots didn’t do a few years ago like they should have so I had to go another block to the state highway, the main drag.

Well I’m on a frigging lawnmower, even in fifth gear I suppose any cop except one with too many donuts in him could catch me on foot with my devious plan to cut through yards if one came along. So when I get to Kemp street I swing down behind the C-store service station and through the used car lot next door and then the bakery parking lot so was only on the side walk on the main drag for a little over a hundred feet before swinging left on Leighland and making my great escape the last block to my home.

I got out a large can and pulled the oil drain plug to let the oil drain while I walked back to Rick’s for my pickup. Then I lubed, oiled, made a new battery box, and tuned and adjusted everything on the mower and it’s now in good shape again.

I mowed Helen’s lawn so fast I didn’t even time to think about cracking open a beer (besides, it was too early in the day) and made ramps so I could drive it up into my pickup and took it to Rick’s and mowed his lawn. That was a bitch as it was pretty long in the back yard and the grass was wet. It took me two passes, once with the deck high, and then with it low. Then I took a nap.

It isn’t a mulching mower, the next time I grab it to mow Helen’s grass I’m converting it to a mulching mower so I don’t have to deal with grass clippings.

And being Wednesday it was of course laundry day here at Polly’s Honky Tonk Saloon and Whorehouse. After I put the laundry in the machine I walked to the Jack In The Box for a burger while they are washing and there was a African American there, or whatever in the heck they call themselves these days. All I know is that she was about 4’ 6” tall and about 3’ 6” wide, and very dark.

I don’t know how someone that wide can find someone to have sex with them but she had this cute little curly haired dark monkey she was holding onto as it tried to climb her boobs. Umm, or whatever it was trying to do with her boobs.

She got her order and left the counter to go to the table area, I wasn’t paying any attention to them but I guess the baby monkey is at the age where he is walking some because I heard her say “Come back here boy, don’t make me beat your ass in public”. Well, at least she is teaching him to mind his manners in public.

Then because it was getting on toward evening I stopped at Beer Church on the way home to see what those monkeys are up to. Same old shit of course. The gal that had just gotten off shift and was having a few shots of Tequila before going home and I sat next to her. Umm, I don’t want to make this a long story but she was complaining about her tips being a bit low. Ann said to show more cleavage, and she said she would rather show her pussy. Gross, gross, gross, flash me some cleavage anytime but leave the pussy in wraps please, I never did like the looks of those things.

The gal that just came on shift tells us about the night another Bill pays her twenty-five bucks to look at her boobs, for five seconds. *Smacks head* What an idiot, I wouldn’t pay twenty-five bucks to look at any woman’s boobs, I know what boobs looks like, if she wants me to look at them she can just damn well show them to me.

No way I would pay to look at boobs, but I might pay a buck a minute to kiss them. It’s been two years since I kissed a boob, yeah, I just might do that if it was the right boobs. Goddess is such a gold digger, God is such an idiot. LOL

Computer Dependency.
This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female?
To find out the answer, look down... . . . . . . .
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I said…. Look down, not scroll down.