Just jokes and stuff today

Because, well, because we are all a big joke. A fucked up fluke of the universe that evolved improperly because of our dumb ass mentors and their dumb ass ideas of God.
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Reasons to Become a Nurse
1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2. Fashionable shoes and uniforms.
3. Needles: It's better to give than to receive.
4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops eventually.
5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases.
6. Interesting aromas.
7. Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly
legible handwriting.
8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9. Celebrate the holidays with all your friends, at work.
10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to
them.
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New Telephone Greetings.
"GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO AMERICA"
"Press "1" if you speak English." "Press '2' to disconnect until you can .

"I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."

Hi there, I’m Bill Cook’s answering machine, he made me from a recycled VCR and a milk carton. If you leave a message please speak loud and clear.
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Report cards can make students nervous when having to give a less than desirable report to their parents.
A report card from one boy to his dad read.
"Dad's Report Card"

Love - A
Patience - A
Understanding - A
Intelligence - A
Sense of humor - A
Helpfulness - A
Kindness - A
Wisdom - A
Allowances - C-

It was a birthday card, the inside of which read:
"Let's see if we can't bring that last grade up a bit, Dad!"
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The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
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Mouse Balls & Mouse Ball inspector

This was a real memo (or so we are told) sent out by IBM to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

'If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, a replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

ITALIAN DIVORCE COURT
Angelina and Giuseppi were standing before the judge in divorce court.

Angelina says:
"Your honor, we beena marry 25 years ana Giuseppi he always picka his nose ana when we maka love he a never letsa me on topa. I justa canna taka dis nomore."

The judge listens solemnly and then addresses Giuseppi. "Giuseppi, is disa true? You always a picka your nose and you never let Angelina on top?? What have you gotta say fora yourself?"

Giuseppi says, "Well your honor, itsa true. I picka my nose a lot and, yeah, Angelina, I tella her she'sa gotta be onna da bottom. Itsa all go's aback to when I'mma a younga boy.

My poppa, he's a very smarta man. I always do ev'ryting he'sa say. My poppa one day he says, "Giuseppi, I gotta tella you da two main secrets ofa hava successful life:

Number one, you always keepa your nose clean. ana number two, never screw up."
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Meme: (biology) element of behavior or culture, idea, etc, that can be considered to replicate itself as it is passed between individuals by non-genetic means.

I’ll bet they make a video game that lets you chase after your sisters with poop on a stick. LOL…. Okay, so maybe we should stop being memes, they just keep passing on stupid things and ideas to the next generation. Na, we serve as good examples of how not to be. LOL…. Besides, they are going to dream up their own shit anyway. But those God memes, they really do need to go away because we are God.
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With the current cold weather I haven’t been working on the camper so have no progress report at this time. And I have to switch jobs and put a better roof on the camper that I still use for a kitchen as soon as I can.
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100 years ago marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. …. True or false?
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Has it ever occurred to you that you are planned obsolescence? But that the plan is a new one? The heavier shit is on my other blog in case you are interested in that.
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Have a great day, don’t shoot anyone. Well, except for stupid monkeys that are shooting at you. I end this post with these words. To be an atheist is to be nothing more than a monkey, like a Christian or Muslim. You may excuse yourself from that statement Kirsten because you are not really a Muslim, but a seeker. BBC