Just jokes today

Jesus & the Redneck
An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the Waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang How's about getting me acold glass of Coke! !" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "On my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm drawin' disability."

After several months of ill-health, an old man finally musters up the courage to see his doctor for a complete check-up. He gets to the doctor's office, after which, the doctor runs a number of standard tests. After a couple of hours, the doctor comes back, and just barely able to look the old man in the eye, he says: "I'm afraid I have some very bad news...you're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"That's terrible!" says the man. "'How bad is it, Doc? How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor replies, shaking his head. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What do you mean?" The doctor looks at him sadly. Then he looks at his watch. "Nine."